


a person of your own

by fleurting



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurting/pseuds/fleurting
Summary: She sneaks into his bedroom and steals his books, bringing them to bed with her and reading under the covers, scouring the texts for any information on metamorphmagi and if it’s at all possible to become one if you weren’t you aren’t born with the gene. It would be so much easier if it were. How quickly she could transform her body to line up with the picture of herself she sees inside her head.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [nooreva](http://hogwart.co.vu/)'s femslash bingo challenge.

She idolises Bill as a child, constantly stares in wonderment at his long, red hair, so different to the rest of her brothers’. A few weeks after Bill’s shown off his new look to the family, her mother comes at them all with her wand, ready to crop of all their hair closely to their heads. When she goes to cut Ginny’s, she starts screaming, tears running down her face like she runs from her mother. She locks herself in the broom closest to her and refuses to come out until her mum, exhausted and her hands full with six other children, reluctantly agrees not to cut her hair and let her grow it as long as she wants, even as long as Bill’s. 

 

Her parents start to suspect after that, even though she’s yet to tell them that she always feels uncomfortable, that it itches underneath her skin, the way the sweaters her mum makes at christmas do. Eventually, she works up the courage to tell them, a year before she’s to start at Hogwarts, as she can’t take the idea of pretending to be something, _someone_ , she’s not for that many more years. Her father indulges her without so much as batting an eyelash. Her mother is harder to come around. What she finds the hardest, ginny thinks, is reconciling the fact that just because she wants her hair long and her name changed, it doesn’t mean she wants to stop playing Quidditch and take up knitting, or cooking, or any of the other activities her mother has ascribed the word feminine to. 

 

A few months later, after they’ve gotten Ron’s school supplies for the year, she sneaks into his bedroom and steals his books, bringing them to bed with her and reading under the covers, scouring the texts for any information on Metamorphmagi and if it’s at all possible to become one if you weren’t you aren’t born with the gene. It would be so much easier if it were. How quickly she could transform her body to line up with the picture of herself she sees inside her head. Sadly, there’s no mention of Metamorphmagi at all. when she gets to Hogwarts herself she asks her professors about it but the answer she receives is vastly disappointing. Still, she searches the library high and low for a second opinion and comes away feeling even worse than before. 

 

When it’s finally time for her to board the train along with her brothers, she feels almost whole in a way she never has before. The school only knows her as _Ginny_ , younger sister of Ron, Fred, George, Percy, Bill, Charlie. She’ll be in the _girl’s_ dormitory, sharing with other _girls_. She’d cry but she needn’t give her brothers any more ammunition to make fun of her than they already have. 

 

During her second year, one of the girls she shares her dorm with has her period arrive with the spring. When asked if she’s started hers yet, Ginny lies and says she got hers over the Christmas break. She finds herself envying the girls, even when they complain of the instability of their moods and the sharp pains that hit them without warning. It’s just another thing their bodies have that hers doesn’t and it makes her feel lesser than, less of a woman, more like a fraud. She doesn’t want anyone to know, so she goes through an entire charade each month, feigning cramps and chocolate cravings, even going as far as to ask some of the other girls if they they have a tampon because she’s run out, going as far as to purchase her own products and keeping them with her things, in case anyone were to decide to go snooping.

 

In her third year she finds the room of requirement, although she doesn’t know that’s what it is until much later. All she does know is that she’s having one of those days, the kind where the pressure of keeping this secret is weighing her down, and she wishes she had just been born the way she feels, wishes she at least had someone she could talk to, someone who’d understand. She’s walking down the corridor, trying not to cry, when she comes across a door she’s never before seen. She opens it, drawing her wand beforehand, but only sees an empty room. The room seems to invite her in, looking warm and cozy and a mixture of the burrow, the Gryffindor common room, and strangely, the library. There’s a steaming cup of tea next to the large, red couch in the center of the room and although she’s wary of any food or drink left alone, a fear instilled in her by her brothers, she takes a sip. It immediately makes her feel better, reminder her of the tea her father would make her whenever she’d get cross with Ron and the twins, or, less commonly, Bill or Charlie. She studies the room as she sips at the tea, noting the array of textbooks, pamphlets, and novels that adorn the shelves. Her curiosity gets the better of her and she leaves half her empty cup on the coffee table as she goes to peruse the contents of the tomes. As her eyes scan the pages of the first book she opens, she breathes out a heavy sigh, a relieved _“Oh”_ pouring from her lips, because this book it _understands_ her, understand her in a way no one else ever has. All of them do, she realises as she browses the other volumes lining the walls. Each and every one explains exactly how she feels, how she’s always felt. And even though she still doesn’t have some _one_ to talk to, at least now she knows for a fact that she’s not alone. She starts spending all of her time there, reading everything the room has to offer, until one day it disappears and try as she might, she can never find it again. 

 

During her fourth year, she befriends Luna Lovegood. She’s known her for years, in the way one knows someone in the same year as you and who shares a couple of your classes, but it isn’t until their fourth year that she begins to truly _know_ her. She’s loath to admit it but she hadn’t been very kind to Luna at first. She was never directly rude but she did call her Loony Lovegood when referring to her, something she’ll never stop feeling guilty about. She soon finds that Luna’s kind and intelligent and brave and honest. She’s the first non-family member Ginny ever confides in. When she tells her, Luna simply smiles and says, “Okay.” She asks if Ginny wants to talk about it, listens intently as Ginny lays herself bare, promises she won’t tell a soul, and that it doesn’t change anything, Ginny’s still her best friend, the greatest one she’s ever had. 

 

As she grows older, her problems with herself make way for ones of a larger scale. They don’t dissipate, she can’t Evanesco them away, they just move to the back of her mind. They come creeping out at times, such as when she begins dating and her mind pesters with the question of whether or not the boys she’s kissing would still be kissing her if they knew, if they would actually like what they saw if she stopped restricting their access to what’s underneath her shirt. The thoughts retreat even further than she thought they could once the school is taken over. She thinks she’s just too busy worrying about more important things now. It isn’t until after the war has been over for a while that it all bubbles back up again. She’s in the bathroom of the flat she shares with Luna, standing underneath scalding hot water, when the tears overtake her. Before she knows it she’s sat down in the tub, sobbing, the water falling down around her. Luna finds her there shortly after the breakdown starts. It isn’t uncommon for them to find each other like this. More than once they’ve had to bring each other out of episodes where they’re haunted by memories from the war. Luna never once takes her eyes off Ginny’s face as she helps her, something Ginny doesn’t notice during the moment, but is incredibly grateful for in hindsight. As Luna lies in bed with her, one arm around Ginny shoulder, talking about all sorts of creatures, Ginny leans up and kisses her. It’s something she’s been wanting to do for a while now. She’s had to stop herself from doing it a few times before, like when Luna’s dancing around the kitchen or when her eyes light up at the sight of Ginny coming through the door. None of the moments felt right though, not like this. 

 

The transformation from friends to something more happens so naturally, it’s as if nothing has changed, except now they show their affection for each other in different ways. They don’t consummate their relationship because Ginny’s not ready yet but Luna never once makes Ginny feel guilty, even says she could go a lifetime without sex, she doesn’t need it, all she needs is Ginny’, for which Ginny just simply has to kiss her. Once Ginny decides she is ready and exposes all of herself for Luna to see, Luna walks up to her, kisses her, and states “You’re beautiful,” so matter of factly that Ginny can’t possibly refute the statement.   

 

A few years later, as Ginny prepares to join the Holyhead Harpies, Luna barges into their house grinning excitedly. 

 

“Do you remember Draco Malfoy?” she asks and Ginny laughs because how could she forget? 

 

Luna continues on without waiting for a response. “You know how he’s been working in potions the last few years?” 

 

“I think Harry mentioned he was doing something like that.”

 

“Well, he’s finally done it!” Luna exclaims and Ginny smiles at her enthusiasm though she’s still confused. 

 

“Done what?” she asks, bemused. 

 

Luna leans closer and whispers, “Created hormone potions.” 

 

Ginny freezes. She faintly hears Luna say, “Like the treatments they have for Muggles!” but her heart is pounding, her eyes are stinging with unshed tears. It’s too good to be true. 

“Really?” she finds herself whispering, her voice cracking on the second syllable. 

 

Luna nods confirmation, throwing her arms around her and Ginny hugs tightly back, laughing in disbelief. Everything is starting to work out for her. She’s going to be on the Holyhead Harpies, there’s finally a way to make her outward appearance look exactly the way she’s always felt she should look, she’s finally happy with herself. and she has the love of her life with her every step of the way.   


End file.
